Tuesday, June 21, 2011

You know your an Ultra-Runner when....

1. Your wife introduces you to your three children and you reply "What..Three?"
2. You spend more time shopping in the drug section than the food section.
3. You wonder why they don't make all running socks a dusty brown color.
4. You have more dirt on your shoes than in your garden.
5. You think that flagel and ibutrophin belong on the breakfast table.
6. You get more phone calls at 5:00 AM than at 5:00 PM.
7. You don't recognize your friends with their clothes on.
8. You have more buckles than belts.
9. You postpone your wedding because it will interfere with your training.
10. You keep mistaking your boss for Norm Klein.
11. 6am is sleeping in
12. your feet look better without toenails
13. your idea of a fun date is a 30-mile training run
14. you're tempted to look for a bush when there's a long line for the public restroom
15. you don't think twice about eating food you've picked up off the floor
16. you can expound on the virtues of eating salt
17. you develop an unnatural fear of mountain lions
18. You know the location of every 7-11, public restroom, and water fountain within a 25-mile radius of your house.
19. You run marathons for speedwork.
20. You have more fanny packs and water bottles and flashlights than Imelda Marcos has shoes.
21. Someone asks you how long your training run is going to be and you answer "seven or eight ... hours".
22. People at work think you're in a whole lot better shape than you think you are.
23. You actually are in a whole lot better shape than you think you are.
24. Your weekend runs are limited by how much time you have, not by how far you can run.
25. You always have at least one black toenail.
26. You buy economy-sized jars of Vaseline on a regular basis.
27. You tried hashing, but felt the trails were too short and easy.
28. You think of pavement as a necessary evil that connects trails.
29. you rotate your running shoes more often than you rotate your tires.
30. your friends recognize you better dressed in shorts than in long pants.
31. you really envied Tom Hanks' long run as Forest Gump.
32. you carry money around in a ziplock bag because store clerks complained that your money's usually too sweaty.
33. any time a plain old runner talks about her aches and pains, you can sympathize because you've already had that at least once.
34. you put more miles on your feet than on your rental car over the weekend;
35. you don't need to paint your toenails; they're already different colors;
36. you start planning the family vacation around races, and vice-versa.
37. When you start considering your next vacation on the merits of its ultras Only
38. You spend you entire paycheck on running gear, ultrabars, and entry fees
39. You become a quasi-expert on different detergents so as to not "hurt" your tee shirts...
40. You leave work early to hit the trails
41. You wear t-shirts based on if you've had good work outs when you 've worn them before
42. Have a trail shoe collection that would make Imelda Marcos envious
43. During a 10k you punch the lap button on your watch instead of the stop button at the finish
44. Your pedicure kit includes a pair of pliers. 8-0
45. The number of toes and toenails you have is not equal
46. You drink from a water bottle at the dinner table
47. You consider the mold and mildew in your bottles extra electrolytes
48. You just found out Poison and Oak are words by themselves...
49. You know you're married to an ultrarunner when Valentine's gifts come from Ultrafit.
50. You know you're married to an ultrarunner when she helps you up and
51. says, "Come on, suck it up, keep moving!" and you know she means it in love.
52. You know you're an ultrarunner when a prospective employer asks for a photograph and all you have is race photos.
53. You know you're an ultrarunner when the races you enter end in a different area code. -and pass through several different Zip codes enroute.
54. You know you're an ultrarunner when your crew tries to keep you motivated by saying, "You're in second place and only 6 hours behind first with 25 miles to go!"
55. You know you're an ultrarunner when you don't finish on the same day as the winner
56. You know you're an ultrarunner when people praise you to the high heavens for being able to finish a marathon, and you feel insulted.
57. You know you're an ultrarunner after you’ve posted another ULTRA message about relative 100 miler difficulty.
58. You know you're an ultra runner when you can really identify with those scenes at night in the woods in The Blair Witch Project.
59. If so many places on your body hurt you can't figure out which one hurts more, so you ignore them all and do another 50K, and then you feel better!
60. Everything in your life, everything, is organized in different sized zip-loc bags.
61. when livestock salt blocks look good after a run.
62. Your 6 year old knows the difference between a 100k and 100 miler.
63. You don't hesitate to lie down in the trail (anywhere) when you are falling asleep on your feet during the early morning hours on the second day of a 100 miler; and it feels so comfortable.
64. Ya know you're and ultra runner when a girl changes her tank and her bra in front of you and all you do is take another drink of water, look at your watch, get up and tell your pacer "Let's hit the trail."

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